Having to give things up

So this past week has been kind of quiet for me. I have been off from work, as schools in NY generally get a week off mid-February. It works out though, as the area I live in has been repeatedly smacked with snow lately. The past week has seen a lot of snow-blower use, clearing of cars, re-arranging of cars in the driveway; it hasn’t been great, but it hasn’t been bad either. Long Island normally doesn’t get much snow, but this February, nature had a different idea for the area. All in all though, it has been mostly relaxing, little stressful, somewhat dreadful. Going back to work this Monday though, will be very difficult.

Since the start of the school year, I have been teaching middle school Social Studies. I have been covering for a teacher who had to take a long-term absence due to the fact that if he got sick with the Coronavirus, he would not have fared well at all. So my district tapped me, a sub to teach his classes in his absence. I was originally told that it would be a 12-week leave. Okay, 3 months, easy. 3 months turned into basically 6, and that teacher I have been covering is now fully vaccinated and ready to come back to work. So as of Monday, my classes are no longer my classes. Really I should be happy, I have been putting in the same amount of work as the regular teachers this entire time, but have not been recognized as such, less work will lead to me having more time for my grad school work, and I won’t have the stress of having to plan for every day’s lessons. This was supposed to be temporary anyway, so it should be good right?

It’s not. Not for me that is. I am really going to miss the students I was able to see day in and day out. They were fun, for the most part engaged, and it really was a pleasure teaching them. Really now, I am attached to the job, to the students, to my work. Making lessons every day was stressful sure, but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. I took pride in my work, and I think it showed. I personally feel somewhat adrift now, knowing that come Monday, I don’t have that stress, that good stress. I’ll still see the students, I will be working in the same building, and that makes me happy. But it won’t be the same. I also now know that going back to subbing will be a bummer. Actually teaching is such a different thing, it is so much better.

Just have to roll with it for now. I am happy the teacher is healthy, is vaccinated, and is excited to come back to work. It just sucks that the excitement he gets to feel is on the back of my having to give up something I found so much fulfillment in.


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